7 Indian Cultural Flaws That Are Making Every Mom Get Stressed
Society was formed by us, early during the civilization for nurturing common values. We have ever since beginning been social, social animals, making society as per our convenience wherever we move and add culture primarily as a means of entertainment but with definite mental and spiritual growth. In my opinion culture is supposed to be existing to unite, give moral education and values making us feel we belong to a community. Now the need to feel belonging to some community has gone so over the board that like every highly paid health club, this community has entry fee. If you don’t follow you don’t belong to us…you are boycotted. For most of the women after becoming moms in the olden days these events and occasions were a way of communicating, relaxing as they met new people and encouraged men eating first as they would be out doing work, then come, eat and go in hurry…being the sole earning member. So the woman accepted her roles too. But with the changing era some practices became pinching for many. And now she after taking initiative to follow feels overburdened and not understood. Result, she gets frustrated, infuriated and takes a pledge to seek revenge…how…sophistically… by making her daughter and daughter in law to follow the league. To maintain the pride of the family by following so called cultural practices.
These aren’t the practices out of my own head. But I have interacted with my patients, my friends and over the years I deeply feel that these are unfitted cultural norms for today’s living.
1. Eat at the time as per the family custom and sleep as per our family routine — why — how dare you behave contrary and teach us, its our family so unhealthy or healthy u don’t teach. Even if the kids circadian rhythm and school performs is getting screwed up, you ought to follow them as a mark of respect else you are out-casted.
2. You have to follow all the customs of family, family comes first — for which this woman esp the mother now, even if working in the office has to manage. And she decides to do, now for doing all rituals, she got up at 5am and performs poorly and gets irritated on trivial things and reaches office and performs like a dead rat. Wow. Seen that right? Fasting and eating after husband or after family in many families still a practice, why? Even when she has
3. Even if you don’t have holiday, take it, your career isn’t important — though not directly told so (and if you don’t as show your career is — you are out-casted forever — conveyed very subtly) Is that a fair deal? Esp when it comes to taking holiday for some not so related family friend’s wedding, or distant relative’s wedding and some not so important ceremony.
4. Festive foods and delicacies it’s your duty to make and serve and so is taking care of the house during that occasion — Festivals and are moments which shouldn’t be so stressful, rather relaxing and a moment for unwinding and spreading love. Why burden her up only?
5. Guests should be treated like god — don’t be antisocial and insult us by not catering to our guest, we have maintained good relations for all this while and you are responsible for spoiling it.
6. How dare you tell your opinion and insult us, you are not supposed to be having any opinion and demands. Learn to respect elders. What is this telling the kid? Yours mothers opinion is worthless, she is worthless. Can you as a mother afford that. Its effect are seen in future 100%.
7. Don’t spoil our reputation by telling all what’s happening in this house with you. You are the problem. By saying so you are making her suppress her emotional traumas, hurts and in turn making her hurt get spilled on you. A mothers who isn’t emotionally free to express her distress is likely to be spilling it on the kids or instill unwanted negative beliefs detrimental for their growth. Look out where you got yours from.
Every woman has been overburdening these practices quietly, simply to maintain harmony in the family, else a rebellion act it is assumed. I don’t think staying suppressed, staying quiet and suffering in silence does any good to anyone ever. Definitely no good it does to the kids who absorb her stress like sponge and feel equally caged, and gather courage to voice out only when they are grown up enough, but then, the damage is done and the next generation begins to suffer.
With that the current needs and our roles and responsibilities as mothers have changed. We are expected to add value, contribute, keep ourselves updated and evolve. How can an over burdened mother be adding value to her kid’s life if she stays stuck to those cultural dogmas which are being carried as rituals just for no logical sake. These days all require a reason as to why should we do if we have to do. Faith can’t be instilled with compulsion, it develops gradually and I guess we all need not have faith, trust and belief in just one way of practice. To each his own, holds true here too.
Let there be a liberty for this woman, a mother to make decisions of what to choose for and what not, for she has to shape the next generation who might feel the rituals as a chain in their growth and instead of nurturing the culture might just no longer associate with it. Old things which are hinderance should be discarded and newer things for our growth should be adopted else every mom in coming eras will be blamed by kids for adding chains to their growth instead of adding fuel to their wings. Let go of what’s not of use in the current situation. Cultural values should be all encompassing even the changing timing. Not over burdening just a particular relation, a person with undue responsibility, making her feel doomed to suffer
Change is the essence of life and only thing that’s constant, shouldn’t we adapt to the changing times. If we don’t change we have chances of perishing under pressure. By perishing I mean having high chances that may be the next or the generations after that not even know what right culture we had.
What do you have to say…?